I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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