I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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