You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
