I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
