Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
