he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
