The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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