with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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