help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
