I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
