i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
