what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
