if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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