I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
