I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
