I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
