It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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