i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
