Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My dick has a subreddit
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
