then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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