im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
