i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
