the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
