so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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