so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize