there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
