Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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