i just had sex bonerless
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
