sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
