WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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