My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
