shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
