Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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