I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
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I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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