i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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