who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
