first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
