I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
