I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
