i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
