After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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