I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
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I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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