Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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