Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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