So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
