North Korea, Best Korea!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
