I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
