is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
