I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
