Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize