Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We need a shit load of segways right now
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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