is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it's like iHOP with fire
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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