I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
