thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
