U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
