i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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