the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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