please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
