I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Who died my cat blue again?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
