it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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