the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
