once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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