I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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