He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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