I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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