dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
